Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
