my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
