When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
