it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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