hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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