This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
