I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
