I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
