don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize