I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
