he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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