Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
