i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize