How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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