the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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