I smell stomach acid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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