K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
