I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
