That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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