I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
