you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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