Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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