yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't deserve a penis
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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