but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
