1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
honey bunches of taint.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
