she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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