she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
