filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think your dad took our porno
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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