is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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