Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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