So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
