Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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