My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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