I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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