Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize