How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
