Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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