I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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