Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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