were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
