yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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