spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
