I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
