Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and she was petting her beer can
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize