Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
