i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
