I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize