Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
