Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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