she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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