I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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