remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
