I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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