I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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