Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
