I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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