Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
