As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
