The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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