Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
