standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
