bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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