beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
